Last year I played a multi-generational game of grand strategy Crusader Kings 2 using the A Game of Thrones mod, which transforms the historical medieval setting of CK2 into the continent of Westeros from George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire novels (and the HBO series). My goal was to play as the most minor of lords and experience the conflict and drama of Westeros from the ground floor. Game of Checkers will run on Sundays for ten weeks.
Island Hopping
Rosie has died, and once again I'm playing the game as a little girl, Rosie's daughter, Daisy. Of course, my most pressing task is to find a future husband.
I propose to Pearse Waters, who just happens to be the son of the (current, most likely temporary) King of the Iron Throne, Michael Waters. It's a matrilineal arrangement, naturally, so any kids we have will be of my dynasty and not his. I also try to take care of my younger brother, Neejerk, in anticipation of him getting cranky or even stabby if I ever have children. I bestow upon him my smallest holding, the island called The Paps. Why not? Despite being the cause of most of the recent drama, it's a tiny island with 72 soldiers on it. As my vassal he'll probably vote for himself as heir, thanks to the elective succession I had to resort to a couple generations ago, but I’ll still have my vote against his.
As Lady of the Fingers, it’s also up to me to arrange marriages for anyone who needs one, such as my recently widowed father, Moryn Blackbar. Naturally, I look up Daenerys Stormborn, one of the few characters from the books who is still alive. I’ve been dying to have her in my court pretty much since I started playing, so I arrange their marriage. I know she’s 61 and my dad is much younger, but she’s still Daenerys and she's still cool and I want her stalking through my little castle, coldly demanding to know where her dragons are.
Unfortunately, Margery Tyrell dies at age 65, and my dad, who is Margery's son, leaves for the Reach, having inherited some holdings there. He takes Daenerys with him, naturally. Just when she got here! Ah, well. At least she’ll be living in a proper city instead of my cruddy little castle.
Daisy, now age 15, marries her child groom, Pearse Waters, age 14, and immediately becomes pregnant. She gives birth to a son, Nobbrick, and I nominate him as my heir. Neejerk gets on board with the program, surprisingly, and votes for Nobbrick as well, marking the first time a family member has ever done anything pleasantly in line with my wishes.
The current war for The Iron Throne spills over into The Vale, but we win a quick victory and march into the Riverlands led by my liege, Gilwood. Then, Gilwood dies. My new liege and Lord Paramount of The Vale is named Penthar Hersey. By this point things have gotten so convoluted that even after spending a few minutes clicking around in Hersey's family tree I still have no real idea why he’s the heir to The Vale.
Something else I don't quite understand: Hersey has no liege of his own. I’m not sure why or how, but Hersey is not beholden to the Iron Throne. At some point during this latest war, The Vale has claimed independence. Since we're not fighting on behalf of The Iron Throne anymore, we have no real business being out here in the Riverlands. I can’t safely disband my soldiers, however, because I’m in enemy territory. I have to manually march my army all the way back home or only a fraction of them will make it safely through hostile country.
This isn’t really a problem, until it very suddenly is. As my army tromps slowly east, Lord Paramount Mathis of The Reach suddenly comes up with a claim on The Paps, and ships full of his soldiers arrive and begin sacking it. With my army half a continent away, and with barely any soldiers of their own, The Paps falls almost instantly. Neejerk, kicked out of his castle, goes to live in Dalston Keep with his wife.
Just like that, Lord Paramount Mathis has taken The Paps.
A Fleet of Foes
Well, I'm not going to stand for that, not after all the trouble taking The Paps caused in the first place. Of course, being Lord Paramount, Mathis has a number of allies. I have an ally too. You may have heard of him? King Michael Waters of the Iron Throne? It doesn't matter that The Vale is independent because King Michael is my father-in-law. He'll fight for me.
I declare war on The Reach for the Paps. A split-second later, however, The Riverlands declares war on the Iron Throne. Sigh. It appears King Michael will be a little too busy to send any help my way. I hire a sellsword infantry to boost my numbers, but before they arrive I notice Mathis has sent for help. 33 ships from the Reach arrive on Sunset Keep, where I’ve been waiting for the mercenaries to march over from my other island, Pebble. There’s only about 1,500 soldiers enemy soldiers in Sunset Keep, versus my almost 3,000. Still, they manage to turn the tide and whittle down my numbers before help can arrive. The sellswords join me just before I’m defeated, and the Reach army retreats.
As we march to The Paps, Mathis raises his own levies and we clash on the tiny island. Bolstered by mercs, we force Mathis to retreat and begin sacking the stronghold. Then, some very bad news. A full 7,000 Reach soldiers appear from the west and join up with the retreating army of Mathis. They begin sacking Sunset Keep.
Mathis leaves 1,500 men behind to continue the siege, and the rest of his soldiers arrive on The Paps. I don’t have enough gold to buy another squad of mercs, and even if I did, they still wouldn’t be enough. Mathis tears my army to shreds.
Kicked off the island, we march to Sunset Keep, hoping to at least prevent it from being sacked by the forces there. We fail, again, and are forced to retreat to Snakewood with only 500 soldiers left. My only hope is to offer peace and try to save Sunset Keep. It’ll cost me 200 prestige, and as teenager I haven’t even gained that much, but no one will answer my calls for help. I have to straight up surrender. I’m broke, I’m at negative prestige, and I’ve lost The Paps.
Just to rub it in, Mathis—who by taking over The Paps has actually become my vassal—does not vote for my son Nobbrick to inherit The Fingers. He votes for himself. I'm forced to generate a new ally the old-fashioned way: I become pregnant again.
My liege abruptly dies, and we have a new Lord Paramount named Paxter. Hilariously, Paxter's very first act as new Lord Paramount of The Vale is to immediately declare war on Mathis of The Paps. Works for me! I’m not sure this will personally get me The Paps, back but at least Mathis won’t keep it either. I drag my exhausted, humiliated handful of soldiers out of their shops and stables and press them back into service.
Mathis marches off The Paps and starts sacking Sunset Keep again, and my small forces can’t repel him. I notice with some alarm that most of Paxter's soldiers are actually headed south to meet the Reach army that’s arriving to back up Mathis, but enough of them rush Sunset Keep to chase Mathis’ forces back to The Paps. A fleet of 93 galleys from The Reach skims by, heading for The Sisters, the island chain to the north. It looks like they’re trying to attack from all sides. This is quickly becoming a full blown war.
4,100 soldiers from The Reach land on Bite Coast and begin marching inland. Meanwhile, down at Bloodgate, the entrance to The Vale, the bulk of the Valeman army outnumber the Reach soldiers 3 to 1 and win a decisive victory. The soldiers from The Reach begin sacking Heart's Home, as two thousand more hurry over to bolster them.
In the midst of all this, another war begins. Dornish Spearmen have chosen this moment to invade the Vale. They’ve decided to start their invasion in Sunset Keep, naturally, but having just dispensed of most of The Reach soldiers, 17,000 Valemen quickly put a stop to that. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to sack The Paps with only a handful of men, and it's taking ages. Thankfully, Paxter himself, and 8,000 of his men, are on the way.
While my army struggles to take back The Paps, I’m in Pebble giving birth to my second son, who I name Needrick. I figure someday when he’s my brother and not my son, he’ll be very needy. As I'm wiping gunk off my newborn baby, my Master of Whispers strolls in and is all, "Hi, hope you enjoyed your four minutes of maternity leave." It seems there’s a plot underway to usurp my liege Paxter and replace him with someone named Lyonel, and I’ve been invited to join it. The plot has been hatched by Lord Branston of Coldwater Burn, which complicates things.
Coldwater Burn, see, is the piece of land I have to physically walk my armies through anytime I need to leave Pebble, Wycliffe, or Midlor point. If I make them my enemies, I'd basically have to go to war just to step out my front door. Plus, the lords from Runestone, Scorched Vale, and Crab’s Shore are all on board. Still, I don't want to revolt against Paxter when he's actively trying to reclaim my lost island. I tell Branston I'm not interested.
The news isn't taken well. Coldwater Burn, led by Lord Lyonel himself, immediately invades Wycliffe with 1,000 men and sends another 550 into Pebble. I’m not worried: Lord Paxter has 8,000 of his men currently standing on The Paps. Surely, he’ll leap to defend my home!
Paxter doesn't leap. Paxter doesn't do anything. He just stands on The Paps with his 8,000 men. Dude. Hello? I’m trying to put down a rebellion against you. Help? Help!
Paxter doesn’t help.
War Never Changes
I’m desperate, now. I take out a loan from the Iron Bank and hire 1,200 mercs. I have only 4 gold to pay their monthly fees with, so this war needs to be over right quick. The hired swords chase my enemies off Pebble, but the retreating soldiers merge with Lyonel’s forces sacking Wycliffe and return to kick the crap out of us. We lose repeated battles, dashing back and forth between Pebble and Wycliffe, chased by Lyonel’s larger army. Sunset Keep is under siege as well by another army backing Lyonel. The Fingers are burning.
All the while, 8,000 of Paxter's soldiers are still standing motionless on The Paps, and I finally realize why. The war over The Paps, between Mathis and Paxter, hasn’t actually ended. Mathis himself is out in the field, killing time until he’s replenished by more soldiers from The Reach. Paxter is unwilling to leave The Paps because if he does, The Reach will retake it when they arrive. They're in a little standoff, and while they both stall I'm losing everything.
Since Paxter is of no use to me, I desperately try to throw in with Lord Lyonel by forming a new faction: Lord Lyonel for the Vale! Maybe he’ll see the announcement in the local paper and stop trying to kill me? He doesn’t, and he doesn't.
Having sacked Sunset Keep, The Reach army marches to The Paps and engages the inert Valemen standing there. The Valemen are run off, but try to take Sunset Keep back. I quickly change factions again to support Paxter, and hope he didn’t notice my brief and desperate betrayal. My sellswords all suddenly quit due to the fact that I've run out of money. All of The Fingers have been invaded, and a number of other counties have swapped ownership. The Vale is a complete mess.
A raven arrives: Nanndrick has died at age 45. I know I’m related to her, but I can’t even remember specifically who she is at the moment. Another note informs me that Brienne of Tarth has died at age 76 of natural causes. Some good news arrives: Mathis has croaked in battle, leaving his son Loras in charge of the Paps. Loras, of course, immediately votes for himself as heir to The Fingers. Stupid elective succession!
Through the smoke filling my chambers, I read another note. Lord Branston of Coldwater Burn is asking a second time if I want to join him against Paxter. This time I say yes. I don't know how much trouble I'll be in if Paxter wins, but aligning with him hasn't done me many favors.
Years have passed during all this, by the way. Years. I was fifteen when this all began. Now I’m 25. Paxter loses the war, is captured and imprisoned, and promptly dies in jail. Lyonel is now Lord Paramount. Lyonel’s first act? Can you guess what it is? Correct: he immediately declares war on Loras of The Reach. For The Paps. The war over this stupid tiny worthless island is never going to end.
Since I have no money to fight, and few soldiers left, I might as well get busy ruining lives in other ways. I arrange marriages for my two sons to a couple of unfortunate young women they've never met. Meanwhile, there's a sharp knock on the splinters that used to be my front door: The Iron Bank has sent someone over to get their loan repaid. I raise taxes, and become pregnant again.
Thankfully, a nice chunk of tax money appears, just enough to pay back the Iron Bank. I’m broke, again, but at least I’m not in debt. The war for the Paps, believe it or not, is still going on.
I give birth to a third son. I name him Nomordrick because, seriously, no more. The war for The Paps finally, blessedly, ends, with Loras of the Reach still in charge of it. We have one millisecond of peace before a new war starts due to another claim on The Vale. Actually, two claims this time, both being pressed at once. Crab’s Shore wants Sarya Waynwood to claim The Vale, and Darkmoor wants Lord Gerold to run the show. I don’t even know how this war is going to work so I think I’ll just sit it out, thank you.
I can’t sit it out. The moment the war kicks off, the army from Coldwater Burn marches to straight over to Pebble and starts sacking the castle again.
Mercs and Jerks
I don’t even know why I'm being invaded this time. Coldwater Burn doesn’t have a claim, as far as I know. Lord Branston even has a positive opinion of me. Maybe he’s just as confused as I am by all of this and is just attacking the closest target. Well, time to take out another loan and hire some mercs, since I only have 81 soldiers in Wycliffe, and the few I can raise from Midlor Point and Sunset Keep would have to march through hostile country to get here. I’m so troubled by this new war I immediately become pregnant again.
With the help of my sellswords, I chase the Coldwater troops out of Pebble and then Wycliffe. I briefly consider sacking Coldwater Burn itself, but even with the mercs I’m not sure I’ll have enough soldiers to manage it. Besides, despite being a jerk, Branston has a lot of allies. I watch his soldiers rush over to Bite Coast, then disband my levies, dismiss my mercs, and hope Branston doesn’t decide to come back.
Now an army from The Sisters islands is heading my way, though they're only 160 strong. I hire 345 Dornish Spearmen to stand behind my 49 men and look menacing. The Sisters army comically turns and begins marching in the opposite direction. Even when they team up with Branston’s men, I still outnumber them.
It’s been months of me paying a bunch of mercs to stand in Wycliffe like some really expensive bouncers. Crab’s Shore is now fighting The Sisters Army in Coldwater Burn. When they defeat them, they move to Bite Coast, drop off a small detachment to sack it, then storm into Wycliffe, 715 of them. Flush with new tax money, I hurriedly hire more mercs. The fighting begins again.
Daisy turns 30 and gives birth to a daughter, Nondonna. There’s been nonstop war for 15 years. And it's not anywhere close to ending.
from PC Gamer latest stories http://ift.tt/1BkhV4V
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